Day-Dreaming

I enjoy this pain. 

It makes me feel alive. 

I just need shake this off and take it for what it’s worth.

I’ll empty this out like I do with my bottles of wine,

Violently craving some replenishment for my pain. 

My emotions need some time to catch up on all of the internal reminiscing I am having.  It’s not that I feel bad for the way I am.  It’s more like I am trying to comprehend the worthiness of my restoration. 

Some would say I am crazy but it all depends on the guilt that follows.  If the guilt is lacking does it mean I have become numb or that I am fixed in a state of dreaming?  I am dreaming a path that leads nowhere or possibly destruction.  It depends on how you look at it. 

When given the opportunity to fail or be apprehensive about tomorrow, I take my chances.  Don’t try to envelop me with your smiles and fake pretenses.  I can see straight through to the bottom of your disapprovals. 

I am having a hard time believing.  I am having a hard time shining.  I want to take it all back to when I first came to the conclusion that I needed to feel alive again, or for lack of a better word, fearless. 

Don’t pretend you know me. 

Don’t pretend you’ve got something good to show me. 

Don’t try to save me.